Late breaking news
on the Neil Armstrong cover up
We here at Yoodels have just received information that "Neil Armstrong's " Famous speech on the moon was a government cover up. We have received.. late last night by an anonymous person a copy of the real tape along with one of the people at Nasa who is obviously Neil Armstrong's contact here on earth.
Please keep this confidential information to yourself as we do not want to have the FBI knocking on our doors wanting this copy..
This is a copy of Neil Armstrong's famous speech from the moon. We all have heard it now hear the real one he made.
Click on this link now
For your information we have included this chart on analyzing the above information
Silent But Deadly (SBD) Fart
The type that remains totally inaudible, yet somehow causes all the
occupants of a room to collapse. Can smell like anything, nasal
investigators rarely have time to distinguish an odor.
Smells very much like rotten eggs (or Hydrogen Sulphide). A
powerful odor which tends to put people off lunch. Often rips out
in the fashion of a Bunbuster.
The sort of fart which goes 'Whoosh', and is more felt than heard.
A little like an SBD, but louder and considerably less toxic.
Happens deep within the rectum (and therefore has no smell).
Somehow never meets the light of day. Tends to growl like a dog
at the vets.
The kind which seems to be a fart right up to the point at which
you release it. At this stage matters become less sure, as it feels too
solid for comfort. You go to the bathroom and check your
underpants at the next possible opportunity.
Prelude To A Poopie
You feel like you have got a large beefy one, but out comes a tiny
squeaker fart, and the head of something massive. You tense your
buttocks fast, lest you give birth to the brown equivalent of a
You know the compost heap that a gardener keeps at the bottom
of the garden? Well if you jump on it you will have some idea of
what a compost fart sounds and smells like. Do not attempt this
one while you have company.
Sounds loud, and butch eg. 'BRAAAAMMPPP!'. Will smell a bit
like the rotting offspring of a B.S.E infected cow and a dog turd.
Present (a.k.a 'Time I Wasn't Here' Fart)
The type of fart which seems harmless, but then brings a small
poopie as a housewarming gift. You shuffle off to the toilet, and
thank God you weren't in a business meeting when it happened. If
you were in a business meeting of course, you're screwed.
Sounds like 'Wheeek'. Normally smells foul.
'BRAAA!' Sounds like a Beefy one, except much more sudden
and much much more powerful. Generally smells eggy or beefy.
Leaves your bum smarting. You really feel these babies.
Trouser Ripping Special
Sends seismic ripples to the next city. Rips the back of your pants.
This fart genuinely hurts, and you can still feel it 20 minutes later.
Anyone sitting nearby at the time will suffer hearing loss.
Escape Pod Fart
You think you got away with this one. You forced it out as silently
as possible, and nobody heard. You take deep sniffs through your
nose, as discreetly as possible. You smell nothing but your
deodorant. Then 30 seconds later, as if released from a stasis
field, everyone starts to cough and splutter. You point to the
person next to you and try to look innocent.
You try to push a brewer fart the last furlong, but it stays firmly
lodged deep within your bowels. You come to the conclusion that
it is some form of gaseous landmark.
Tends to occur a few hours after a hot curry. Nevermind the smell,
worry about the burning sensation and the nasty stain you know it
must have left.
Occurs when you leave the room to politely fart elsewhere, and
save people the trouble of breathing your flatulent devils breath.
You go back into the room, but LO! The foul nasal bombardment
has followed you, and you are duly criticised for poor manners.
On The Spot Fart
You didn't even know it was there, but suddenly 'Brrmp'.
Not Now! (a.k.a Anal Control Fart)
You feel the presence of a mighty fart, and are unable to release it
due to your situation. Happens on first dates, at important
meetings, and on other such inexcusable occasions. You clench
your buttocks together so hard that you nearly give yourself a
stroke, and wait for the pressure to subside. Success depends on
a number of factors, but Sods law tends to win out in the end.
Hydrated Flatulation (a.k.a Wet Fart)
The original wet fart, which leaves a mark on your pants, and
you a cold wet sticky sensation when you walk. You might not like
this little bugger, but you feel right at home with it.
Gambled 'n' lost. You take a gamble that it's going to be a fart and
stay where you are, but realize tragically that this is much more
than a fart...
Often done in the bath, or while swimming. Sounds like the engine
of a nuclear sub. Can be smelt on rising to the surface, and
experienced windbreakers will often catch the fart in an upturned
jam jar, in order to set light to them.
Gunshot farts sound just like a gunshot. They are exceedingly
rare. In fact they are so rare that most people don't know they
even exist. One report continues: "I have only witnessed one
gunshot fart myself, my own, and almost scared the poop out of
my girlfriend who was lying asleep beside me at the time. She
thought it was a gunshot, and it was so named." A few others have
refered to these rare creatures, so proving their existance.
Tandem Farts are the worst smelling and longest lasting farts ever
to be recorded. They are so named since they are the only fart
that is detectable by the nose on a Tandem bicycle (bicycle built
for two) as it is being pedaled. A tandem fart occurs when the
captain of the bike farts and the stoker smells it. As you can
imagine, the fart must be extremely strong to compete with the
wind and to get to the stoker's nose. Extremely disgusting farts off
of a tandem are sometimes called Tandem farts, but they can
never be confirmed as true Tandem.